Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy
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- Create Date：2021-05-03 07:52:44
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Sheryl Sandberg
- ISBN：0753548291
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Summary
In 2015 Sheryl Sandberg’s husband， Dave Goldberg， died suddenly at the age of forty-eight。 Sandberg and her two young children were devastated， and she was certain that their lives would never have real joy or meaning again。
Just weeks later， Sandberg was talking with a friend about the first father-child activity without a father。 They came up with a plan for someone to fill in。 “But I want Dave，” she cried。 Her friend put his arm around her and said， “Option A is not available。 So let’s just kick the shit out of Option B。”
Everyone experiences some form of Option B。 We all deal with loss: jobs lost， loves lost， lives lost。 The question is not whether these things will happen but how we face them when they do。
Thoughtful， honest， revealing and warm， OPTION B weaves Sandberg’s experiences coping with adversity with new findings from Adam Grant and other social scientists。 The book features stories of people who recovered from personal and professional hardship， including illness， injury， divorce， job loss， sexual assault and imprisonment。 These people did more than recover—many of them became stronger。
OPTION B offers compelling insights for dealing with hardships in our own lives and helping others in crisis。 It turns out that post-traumatic growth is common—even after the most devastating experiences many people don’t just bounce back but actually bounce forward。 And pre-traumatic growth is also possible: people can build resilience even if they have not experienced tragedy。 Sandberg and Grant explore how we can raise strong children， create resilient communities and workplaces， and find meaning， love and joy in our lives。
“Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways，” Sandberg writes。 “I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss。 But I also learned that when life sucks you under， you can kick against the bottom， break the surface and breathe again。”
Just weeks later， Sandberg was talking with a friend about the first father-child activity without a father。 They came up with a plan for someone to fill in。 “But I want Dave，” she cried。 Her friend put his arm around her and said， “Option A is not available。 So let’s just kick the shit out of Option B。”
Everyone experiences some form of Option B。 We all deal with loss: jobs lost， loves lost， lives lost。 The question is not whether these things will happen but how we face them when they do。
Thoughtful， honest， revealing and warm， OPTION B weaves Sandberg’s experiences coping with adversity with new findings from Adam Grant and other social scientists。 The book features stories of people who recovered from personal and professional hardship， including illness， injury， divorce， job loss， sexual assault and imprisonment。 These people did more than recover—many of them became stronger。
OPTION B offers compelling insights for dealing with hardships in our own lives and helping others in crisis。 It turns out that post-traumatic growth is common—even after the most devastating experiences many people don’t just bounce back but actually bounce forward。 And pre-traumatic growth is also possible: people can build resilience even if they have not experienced tragedy。 Sandberg and Grant explore how we can raise strong children， create resilient communities and workplaces， and find meaning， love and joy in our lives。
“Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways，” Sandberg writes。 “I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss。 But I also learned that when life sucks you under， you can kick against the bottom， break the surface and breathe again。”
Reviews
Mackenzie
，
Everyone should read this book。 If you’ve suffered a major loss or want to learn about how to be more resilient in the future or want to comfort someone experiencing grief， this book is full of lessons and hope。
Megan Clark
，
3。5
Elizabeth
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 Time isn’t experienced or remembered in equal increments Moving to the center of the bedWhen ordinary events feel like landminesLet the story reveal itselfI don’t anyone whose been handed we all encounter hardships some we see coming others take us by surprise What do we do next？Resilience is strength and speed we respond to adversity - it’s not about backbone， but the muscles around that backbone Don’t pretend hope will win out over pain everydayRecovery doesn’t start from the same place for ev Time isn’t experienced or remembered in equal increments Moving to the center of the bedWhen ordinary events feel like landminesLet the story reveal itselfI don’t anyone whose been handed we all encounter hardships some we see coming others take us by surprise What do we do next？Resilience is strength and speed we respond to adversity - it’s not about backbone， but the muscles around that backbone Don’t pretend hope will win out over pain everydayRecovery doesn’t start from the same place for everyone Concept of pre and post traumatic growthKick the shot out of option BExperiencing trauma - plants seed pf resilience Don’t fall into trap of 3 Ps when negative things happen - personalization， pervasiveness， permanence （they are traps）Not everything that happens to us happens because of usPart of misery is misery’s shadow - when your anxious you become anxious about being anxious， when you’re sad you’re sad you’re sadAll life in involves suffering， embrace itLean into the suck - don’t fight themAcknowledging blessings is a blessing in itself Openers and non-question asking friends Mum effect Let me not die while I’m still aliveIt’s about knowing you can stop the noiseEmpathy motivates to help; distress motivates us to avoid Withholding comfort adds to the painPlatinum rule - treat others as they want to be treatedInstead of offering everything， do something Friendship is not only about giving， but being able to receiveGrief doesn’t have a timelineForgive me father for I have sinned。。。 not I am a sinnerShame makes people feel small and worthlessWe are all broken we have all done something to hurt someone Trauma can lead to self doubt in all aspects of life; primary trauma can lead to secondary traumaLife can only be understood backward， but it should be lived forward He who has a why to live through， can get through any why In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity， we know our friends Suffering seizes to be suffering in the moment it finds meaningHappiness is about the frequency of joyful activities， not the intensityWhat to do every day is how we love our livesA Day of joy is 15 minutes， a day of pain is 15 yearsPeace is joy at rest， and joy is peace on its feetThe older we get， the more joy is about peace， not excitement Perhaps because it’s a club that no one wants to join， people cling to each other Culture where failure is a learning opportunity - prevent similar issues in the future - more likely to report error and not hide themBelieving it will all work out， helps it all work out 。。。more
Mukul Gupta
，
hard to follow her advice if you are not a millionaire。 not sure resilience is the right approach。 Examples fail to convince me。 there is no real single way that will work for everyone。
زهرا رجبی
，
من خواندم و خلاصه اش را و ایده ها و فکرهای بعضا جذابی که ارائه کرد را در بولت ژورنالم نوشتم، ما اغلب در رویارویی با افرادی که مصیبت دیده اند （ مرگ یک عزیز یا ابتلا به یک بیماری سخت） سکوت می کنیم که ناراحت نشوند یا نمی دانیم چه طور رفتار کنیم که در این صورت، به آنها، احساس تنهایی و ناپدید شدن همه اطرافیان دست می دهد。。。 یا اینکه بدترین چیزی که می تونیم مثلا به یک کیس مبتلا به یک بیماری صعب العلاج بگیم اینه که همه چی درست میشه。。。 یا اینکه در احوال پرسی از کسی که در سوگ عزیزی نشسته بگیم *امروز* حالت من خواندم و خلاصه اش را و ایده ها و فکرهای بعضا جذابی که ارائه کرد را در بولت ژورنالم نوشتم، ما اغلب در رویارویی با افرادی که مصیبت دیده اند （ مرگ یک عزیز یا ابتلا به یک بیماری سخت） سکوت می کنیم که ناراحت نشوند یا نمی دانیم چه طور رفتار کنیم که در این صورت، به آنها، احساس تنهایی و ناپدید شدن همه اطرافیان دست می دهد。。。 یا اینکه بدترین چیزی که می تونیم مثلا به یک کیس مبتلا به یک بیماری صعب العلاج بگیم اینه که همه چی درست میشه。。。 یا اینکه در احوال پرسی از کسی که در سوگ عزیزی نشسته بگیم *امروز* حالت چطوره به جای یک احوالپرسی کلیشه ای و عادی。。。 جالب بود 。。。more
Erik Roberts
，
Excellent grief read。 Sheryl said so many things I’m feeling right now。 And most importantly， gave me hope that people can and do emerge from grief to live good lives even if there’s a big hole missing。
Courtney Bell
，
Best book I have read about grief。 Definitely suggest for anyone who is experiencing the loss of a loved one or you are supporting someone on this journey。
Sandy Adams
，
Another favorite。
Shuva
，
This book is best recommended for people who have gone through a major loss in life - especially a loved one。 I don't currently fall in that category but I got a lot out of this book than I expected。 I altered my journaling entries after reading this and found myself writing tidbits down on notecards that resonated with me。 Sheryl Sandburg does a great job of sharing her personal experiences and weaving in relevant research that is meaningful and sets a candid tone worth displaying in home and w This book is best recommended for people who have gone through a major loss in life - especially a loved one。 I don't currently fall in that category but I got a lot out of this book than I expected。 I altered my journaling entries after reading this and found myself writing tidbits down on notecards that resonated with me。 Sheryl Sandburg does a great job of sharing her personal experiences and weaving in relevant research that is meaningful and sets a candid tone worth displaying in home and work。 。。。more
Elizabeth Elliott
，
I can see that this book has received strong feelings， leading to positive and negative review。 With all books if you can take something away from it that is helpful that's great， even if for those that didn't like it the takeaway was not to read any other books by her。Yes like many I did think that she lives in a different world to me and is in a more comfortable position than me， financially secure， with a supportive boss etc。 However she still found herself facing a traumatic event and was ab I can see that this book has received strong feelings， leading to positive and negative review。 With all books if you can take something away from it that is helpful that's great， even if for those that didn't like it the takeaway was not to read any other books by her。Yes like many I did think that she lives in a different world to me and is in a more comfortable position than me， financially secure， with a supportive boss etc。 However she still found herself facing a traumatic event and was able to share it with others and for those of us that have found it helpful then Sheryl I thank you very much。 I wish I had read her book sooner following my bereavement。 I'd done some online CBT where the 3 P's were touched on， but they were just words for me then。 Couched as they were in Sheryl's narrative they really spoke to me， and maybe as my loss is now almost at its anniversary of 2 years perhaps I was more ready to reflect and take it in。 I certainly didn't have a brain that could focus on reading in the aftermath and aftershocks of the bereavement， some of which were entirely unexpected。 。。。more
Nat
，
On the surface this story is simple。 It's about a women who loses her husband suddenly。 But it's much more than that。 It's about resiliency and how we overcome adversity。 Filled with stats and stories this book has it all。 On the surface this story is simple。 It's about a women who loses her husband suddenly。 But it's much more than that。 It's about resiliency and how we overcome adversity。 Filled with stats and stories this book has it all。 。。。more
Vanessa
，
Insightful
GABRIEL
，
Un libro sencillo de leer sobre una historia real y la resiliencia para superar una pérdida familiar。 Te hace valorar lo que tienes y agradecer cada momento。
Lindsay
，
3。5 stars。 Good， not great。 Liked the balance between personal story and research。
Lisa
，
When I requested this book from the library， I didn't know I would soon be facing the loss of my father， so the material in Option B was more relevant than I thought。 There is a lot of good advice and insight in this book for those who are grieving or those who know someone who is。However， this book is written as more of conversation。 It lacks subheadings， summary sections， and other useful things often found in self-help books。 Thus is it not the best book for someone who wants to use it as a r When I requested this book from the library， I didn't know I would soon be facing the loss of my father， so the material in Option B was more relevant than I thought。 There is a lot of good advice and insight in this book for those who are grieving or those who know someone who is。However， this book is written as more of conversation。 It lacks subheadings， summary sections， and other useful things often found in self-help books。 Thus is it not the best book for someone who wants to use it as a reference tool to look up a specific topic。 。。。more
Whitney M
，
This book will be one of my top suggestions when people ask me if I know any good books related to grief （I previously specialized in grief counseling）。 I found the lessons within Option B to expand beyond grief and into so many areas。 Highly recommend regardless of your current grief "status。" This book will be one of my top suggestions when people ask me if I know any good books related to grief （I previously specialized in grief counseling）。 I found the lessons within Option B to expand beyond grief and into so many areas。 Highly recommend regardless of your current grief "status。" 。。。more
Ivana The
，
I feel that large part of the book is just a mess of references to research papers and （probably more than） 100 stories of Sheryl's closest friends and colleagues。 It ended up being too many of these short examples that they all got mixed up together。On the other hand， I was fully absorbed into parts about Sheryl， her husband passing and how she and her family were dealing with this tragedy。 These felt very honest and personal。 And they were providing vivid picture of their grief process。 I feel that large part of the book is just a mess of references to research papers and （probably more than） 100 stories of Sheryl's closest friends and colleagues。 It ended up being too many of these short examples that they all got mixed up together。On the other hand， I was fully absorbed into parts about Sheryl， her husband passing and how she and her family were dealing with this tragedy。 These felt very honest and personal。 And they were providing vivid picture of their grief process。 。。。more
Bharath Logaraj
，
"Even when you get an F for the situation itself， you can still earn an A+ for how you deal with it。”I was blown away and moved by the Introduction where Sheryl Sandberg describes her POV of the day her husband dies。I was initially not very enthusiastic about reading a book on grief and coping when I wasn’t actively needing it。 However， I quickly found out that this is not a “How to” guide。 Much of this book is a raw insight into her emotions and it’s a cathartic read。That being said， it’s not a "Even when you get an F for the situation itself， you can still earn an A+ for how you deal with it。”I was blown away and moved by the Introduction where Sheryl Sandberg describes her POV of the day her husband dies。I was initially not very enthusiastic about reading a book on grief and coping when I wasn’t actively needing it。 However， I quickly found out that this is not a “How to” guide。 Much of this book is a raw insight into her emotions and it’s a cathartic read。That being said， it’s not a “sad book” as Sheryl trips you up every now and then with her snarky gallows humor。The book focuses not on grief， but on resilience against it。 I’m glad I read this book because it shows how people often respond to grievers （avoiding bringing up the person who died， avoiding the griever completely） in a maladaptive manner。It takes courage to open up， particularly about grief。 And I have massive respect for Sheryl for doing that， particularly given the criticisms and accusations that she would （and did） receive。I find much of the predominant criticisms of the book to be invalid or unfair。 Yes， she’s a billionaire but she never assumes/implies that it is easy for the average widowed woman to get help， and also acknowledges her privilege。 One can’t expect her to throw herself into poverty just to write a more relatable book。 In fact， much of her book focuses on how society needs to build support systems than telling grievers what to do。The book isn’t perfect though。 I found the latter half rather nebulous。 The book lacks an intuitive flow。 The chapters seem disconnected from each other， and I found the book’s style of quoting a study， making inferences， and quickly moving on， to be quite jarring。Even so， this book is a worthy read for anyone who wants to build their own （and others’） resilience to suffering。 So I assume pretty much everyone。 。。。more
Momo
，
95÷ great book about dealing with grief， 5÷ weirdly cultish facebook ad。
Lindsay Bolender
，
I appreciate this book as an instruction manual for how to treat people going through difficult circumstances。 It discusses emotions in a way that is a little corporate but I actually thought that was good in this case。 Grief is often discussed as a personal and private thing， but in this book we see more of how it plays out in the office， and it reminds the reader of how to have grace and empathy for their colleagues。 For reasons beyond grief alone， the Option B model and avoiding the 3 P’s see I appreciate this book as an instruction manual for how to treat people going through difficult circumstances。 It discusses emotions in a way that is a little corporate but I actually thought that was good in this case。 Grief is often discussed as a personal and private thing， but in this book we see more of how it plays out in the office， and it reminds the reader of how to have grace and empathy for their colleagues。 For reasons beyond grief alone， the Option B model and avoiding the 3 P’s seems like a pretty solid life system。 Sandberg and Grant’s sensitive and unassuming writing makes this book easily accessible to people of widely different circumstances。 。。。more
Kristy
，
I am glad this book exists。 Maybe it was the audiobook reader， but it felt too。。。clean？ Impersonal？ I recently read Burnout and Matt Haig’s book on depression， so maybe my standards were too high for this book。
Cole Di Carlo
，
It’s interesting and entertaining， though I couldn’t help but always think of things through my Christian paradigm。 So every time there was a stat about why purpose or optimism or hope proved beneficial to people’s mindsets and happiness I wasn’t surprised， but I did really appreciate the feedback on how to respond to someone that’s had something tragic happen。 Takeaways- “When someone shows up in a cast we immediately ask， ‘what happened？’ If your ankle gets shattered people ask to hear the sto It’s interesting and entertaining， though I couldn’t help but always think of things through my Christian paradigm。 So every time there was a stat about why purpose or optimism or hope proved beneficial to people’s mindsets and happiness I wasn’t surprised， but I did really appreciate the feedback on how to respond to someone that’s had something tragic happen。 Takeaways- “When someone shows up in a cast we immediately ask， ‘what happened？’ If your ankle gets shattered people ask to hear the story。 If your life gets shattered， they don’t。”- “Author Mitch Carmody said， after his nine-year old son died from a brain tumor， ‘our child dies a second time when no one speaks their name。’- “。。。meaningful work buffers against burnout。 In companies， nonprofits， the government， and the military [Adam Grant] finds that the more people believe their jobs help others the less emotionally exhausted they feel at work， and the less depressed they feel in life。” 。。。more
A Clay
，
I bought this book and started it years ago， but I think I was finishing grad school at the time and reading anything not for an assignment felt like an indulgence I couldn’t afford。 I have since read many books about building resilience in myself and in others。 I have to admit - this one wasn’t my favorite of the genre。 However， Sheryl Sandberg is a queen and reading about how she has survived one of the worst scenarios I can possibly imagine does give me hope that we can all survive the unimag I bought this book and started it years ago， but I think I was finishing grad school at the time and reading anything not for an assignment felt like an indulgence I couldn’t afford。 I have since read many books about building resilience in myself and in others。 I have to admit - this one wasn’t my favorite of the genre。 However， Sheryl Sandberg is a queen and reading about how she has survived one of the worst scenarios I can possibly imagine does give me hope that we can all survive the unimaginable。 She also subtle-y brings in some of the Lean In themes that made me love her originally。 If you’re looking for the best book on resilience， this might not be it。 But， if you’re an admirer of Sandberg， you’ll undoubtedly enjoy the read。 。。。more
Ashley Coffey
，
I really enjoyed this book。 As someone who has lost two very close family members （my dad & grandma） it was soothing to read that ‘post-traumatic’ growth really does exist。 Sheryl’s loss of her husband is tragic， but her logical approach to balancing grief & growth is refreshing。 I definitely recommend giving this book a read。
Karen
，
I don't entirely know why I read this book but I did。 It's really a memoir on dealing with grief， specifically the author's husband's death。。。 I sobbed。 Anyway， good book。 Has helped me to evaluate how I approach people going through tough situations I don't entirely know why I read this book but I did。 It's really a memoir on dealing with grief， specifically the author's husband's death。。。 I sobbed。 Anyway， good book。 Has helped me to evaluate how I approach people going through tough situations 。。。more
Sharon Gawer chapman
，
Written well with evidence and examples but an easy read。 I found it insightful and thought provoking。 I learned a lot and glad she shared her experiences with the world。 It will help a lot of people
Chilande Kuloba-Warria
，
Loved this more than the first book; was really insightful especially on how one can be supportive of those who go through tragedy both on a personal and professional front。 It truly was more relatable！
Mashdosenagha
，
این کتابو تقریبا ۴روز طول کشید بخونم چون خیلی روش فکر کردم。برای من کاربردی بود و باعث شد بفهمم که رسانه ها از زندگی فردآمریکایی رو واقعا بد و دورغ جلوه دادن آنها هم همانند آسایی ها احساس دارند ،و از دست دادن عزیزشان آنها را آزرده میکند 。آمار های دقیق این کتاب واقعا جالب توجه بود。نکته دیگه رغم اینکه این کتابو یه خانم نوشته و حس یک زن در فقدان همسرش بود ولی نوع گفتمان کتاب حتی برای من که یک مرد بودم قابل درک بود。از خانم شنبرگ به خاطر این کتاب عالیشون ممنونم
Miriam
，
Not just a storybook about her own resilience。 It’s also a book of stories showcasing the resiliency’s of others。 An often needed reminder of overcoming the journey of grief。
Allison Berkowitz
，